My Once Perfect Life
by prettywriterlover
Summary: Little Miss Perfect had it all. Perfect family, friends and lover. But what happens when she strays from the perfect path planned for her? Drugs, sex, betrayal, pain and lots of pain happens. EXB Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight. But I do however own the plot. I just got a little too enthusiastic on writing a story that I borrowed Stephenie Meyers character names to create mine.

**Authors Note**: This is a second fanfic that I made, my first one is a top secret. I'm rewriting it as of now in hoping I would post it again soon enough. Reviews and Comments are very much welcome. I need a lot of critics so I can enhance my writing. Thank you!

_**"Sometimes blood isn't thicker than water and family will cross you quicker than strangers."**_

_**-Unknown**_

Living in Seattle has been the highlight of my life. My dad and I relocated here a few years ago when he got divorced. We used to live in Portland but since the divorce and the incident we decided to move. Leave all the bad memories behind. But for me I can't do that. It means fully forgiving her, forgetting the pain of lose and forgetting the one person I loved the most. I'm a masochist, so sue me! It was the only way to feel that every good thing that happened to me amidst the bad things were true.

I willed myself away from the thoughts of him but still no success. Years have passed but he was still all I could think about. The future that we may have had, the happy days we ones shared. God dammit! All this thinking is getting into my nerves. I need to calm down.

Stoping my car in front of the Four Season's Hotel I got out and handed my keys to the Valet. I was meeting my dad here alongside with our friends as he says. He was going to announce something and he thought why not throw a weekend party in the Four Season's. I checked in the concierge and the bellboy helped me up to my room.

Picking up my purse from the bed I quickly went in the bathroom and rummaged my purse for the little gold lipstick like tube that has been taunting me ever since we got settled in the hotel. I don't fucking care if my dad where just in the room next to me or everyone I knew where settled in as well in this hotel. All I know is that I needed this so bad. And no one can fucking stop me.

I twisted the tube to open and frowned when I noticed that the white dusty substance encased in it was almost gone. Fucking Shit! I needed this now more than ever. How the hell am I going to make it through this weekend without it? I love my dad so much but this is a way where I can tolerate other people. God knows how hard I am trying to look composed all the time when all I wanted to do is blame everyone for being so selfish. So now I had no choice I have to make do with what I have. And just call someone later for refill.

I dipped my right pointer finger into the tube, making sure to swirl it around so it would stick. After doing that I took my white-coated pointer finger into my mouth spreading the dusty substance into my gums. As I do so, I could feel the wave of euphoria slowly taking over my body. Fuck! It feels so good but still I needed more. Emptying the lipstick tube in the counter surface I snorted carefully everything till it was gone.

I smiled to myself feeling high as a cloud. This is heaven. I feel so lightheaded but it was tolerable. That was the effect cocaine gives you. I feel free, happy and worry free. It's like everything around me was not important. I couldn't feel the pain that I longed to disappear ever since that day I lost everything important to me. This is where I wanted to be.

My phone ringing awoke me from the high I was in- well not completely- I was still high as a fucking kite.

"Hello?" I slurred.

"Bells? You ok?" I hear my dad's worried voice on the other side of the phone.

Note to self always check the caller ID when you just got high.

I cleared my throat hoping my slurry voice would straighten up. "Yeah! I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Charlie asked again.

"Positive dad, I just had a glass of wine is all." I replied.

"Ok, then. You should head back down now the ballroom. Everyone is here." He informed me.

"I'll be right down, Dad. See you in a few." I replied not bothering if he would answer back I hung up the phone.

Looking around the bathroom I picked up all the things I used and carefully tucked it away in my bag. I went back to the room tidying up my blue tube dress one last time. I don't want them noticing me high or notice the traces of coke in my dress.

Before going down I made sure to send a text to Tyler my friend for all intents and purposes. Tucking my phone back to my purse I made my way down to the ballroom. This is going to be one interesting night.

The ballroom was so crowded it made it hard to find where Charlie is. I had to pass through a crowd of fake plastic people before I got to him.

"Bells!" My dad greeted me taking me in his arms hugging. For what it's worth I hugged him back.

He was never this affectionate especially around other people. I wonder what got to him to act like this. Nonetheless I was enjoying it. Makes me feel that he is still the father I used to know.

"Listen, kiddo. I love you so much. And I know what ever happens tonight please understand that I very much want this and I would like for you to be apart of it." Charlie says seriously.

What the hell does that mean? I didn't have time to process everything he said. All I know is that it was very cryptic. My cocaine state of mind won't allow me to process it. So I just nodded at what Charlie said and that made him break into a huge smile.

After our conversation I made my way to the bar and decided to spice things up by doing shots of Jack and Coke. Downing shot after another I have observed that the people who attended this little soiree were all close to my good for nothing mother.

I cringed at the mere thought of her. God Damn her! I hope she rots in hell wherever the hell she is. Renee is a selfish manipulative bitch. She was never been a mother to me. I was more like a puppet to her to do as she pleases. She wanted to control my life and me the good little girl -I was before- did everything she told me so she would be happy. I didn't want to disappoint her I wanted her to love me and understand me. And when I did what she wants she was proud of me. You know that making your parents proud is like the cherry on top of your existence.

Then one day when I started doing the things that made me happier she blocked it. Renee gave me a lot of rules to live by. She dictated me who to marry, where to live and when to have children.

That was the last draw. Renee fucking ruined my life. And I promise to God that she will never ever come close to me again. I might kill her like the way she did to me if I ever get to see her again. All fucking hell will break loose.

A tap on the microphone calling the attention of everyone broke my trance. I downed the last shot of Jack and Coke giving my attention to my father who is holding the microphone.

"Friends and Family. I am so glad all of you had joined me in this wonderful night. I know all of you are wondering why I invited you all here. So I'm just going to cut the chase. I am in love." Charlie announced.

A few catcalls elicited throughout the room. I rolled my eyes at his attempt of a bad joke. Charlie will never be in love. For all I know my bitch of a mother put him out of the ladies. Not to mention I haven't seen or heard him having rendezvous with a special lady. We have our weekly dinner so I would know.

"Ok, ok." He continued. "Without further ado my yet again future wife the woman I truly love with flaws and all... Renee Swan."

Looking at him confused I noticed the brunette figure walk towards the stage kissing Charlie on the lips. Holy shit! I felt like I just got stab with a knife on the back. The all too familiar pain that I longed to bury is slowly creeping out. And because of that many things happened in that moment. First, I marched unconsciously to the stage. Second, I slapped the hell out of Renee making the people in the room gasp. And last but not the least.

"Fuck no, bitch!" I screeched.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight. But I do however own the plot. I just got a little too enthusiastic on writing a story that I borrowed Stephenie Meyers character names to create mine.

**Authors Note**: To those who took the time to comment, read, follow and favourite my little story a huge "Thank you" to all of you. I will be updating once a week or maybe twice depending on the stats I get. Again, thank you!

_**Take away the sensation inside**_  
_**Bitter sweet migraine in my head**_  
_**Its like a throbbing toothache of the mind**_  
_**I can't take this feeling anymore So give me Novocaine**_

_**- Green Day**_

My little stunt from last weekend earned me a very reputable image from everyone who attended the party. Want to know why? Simple, because as I sit here in my work cubicle I can hear Maggie blabbering about how I embarrassed myself and my parents that weekend. The bitch was one of the people who witnessed it because my father invited her employees to that soiree. Maggie kept rehashing the story to everyone from our department. From how I slapped the hell out of Renee and cussed throughout the night till security escorted me out of the ballroom.

I forgot to mention I am working for my father as a creative director for Swan Web Designs. It so happens that the said bitch also works alongside me. Snapping out from whatever I was typing in my MacBook I made my way to where Maggie is gossiping. Bitch needs to be slapped too so she would shut up. But before I could say anything my all too loyal best friend did the beating for me. She walked up to Maggie or more like strutted down like she's on the runway because that girl has legs that could go on for days.

"You know what, Maggie? Why don't you shut the fuck up and get back to work! Last time I checked this isn't high school so grow up you insecure bitch!" Tanya bellowed at Maggie giving her the "bitch don't mess with me" look.

Maggie looked like the deer caught in the head lights as she scurried off back to her cubicle. Our co-workers who once were listening to her intently got back to work immediately. Those people just got russian slapped. Tanya then took me by the arms and led me back to the pantry. She is such a brutal person.

"Ok. Looks like I missed something good this weekend. Care to share to me, _bestie_?" Tanya says crossing her arms in front of her. I shuddered at her endearment to me. I never liked pet names but she insisted it.

I rolled my eyes at her. "The Russian inquisition begins." I mumbled, leaning my back on the counter.

"You bet your ass it begins. So spill!" She says in a commanding voice.

As much as I love Tanya sometimes this whole alpha female personality gets into my nerves. I want to strangle her right now so I won't have to tell her the things that happened because I don't get the best feeling when I kept replaying it. Still I have too. She was the first person I gotten close with. Can you imagine a strawberry blonde hair goddess walked to you with a cup of coffee and offered it you then saying "You and I will be great friends". Yeah! Fat chance, right? But it did happen. Ever since then we were inseparable. Tanya knew how much I loathe Renee from being a pushy mother but never the real reason. I have a hard time telling the truth because I did it once but he never believed me. Instead left me.

"Well what do you want to know?" I sighed.

"Everything! The juicy details and why Maggie the bitch feels like she just won the fucking lottery as she re-tell over and over again the story I don't understand." Tanya says sounding very frustrated.

"Ok. Renee is marrying Charlie again." Tanya's eyes widened at what I said but I held my hand up to her indicating to stop. She nodded. "I slapped the bitch in the face. And called her all the names that the bible wouldn't dare to write or speak." I finished with a smirk.

I was so proud of myself that night as I recall it. Bitch didn't see what was coming to her. She thought it will be all okay because it's been years but clearly she doesn't know me. I am one motivated motherfucker, no pun intended, not like that anyways. But you get what I mean.

Suddenly my feet was off the ground. And I was spinning. Damn! Tanya! She was yet again using one of her super strength. I swear sometimes I think she's on steroids from her Un lady like actions.

"I am so fucking proud of you, bestie!" Tanya cooed setting me down my feet. "Dammit! Know I so regret leaving town that weekend." She pouted sadly.

I chuckled at her expression. "I did force you to ditch your parents but you wouldn't budge so its all your fault."

"Will I get to see a repeat of that performance any time soon?" She asked with pleading eyes.

I thought for a second before answering her. Will she ever see? Hell yes! Renee wasn't phased by my outburst that night. I know she plans on staying saying she still loves Charlie and wants to make amends to me for what she did. She can kiss my ass for all I care but I won't believe her for a fucking second. For all I know the bitch is broke and needs my dads funds to live. For that I won't stop making her life miserable as mine.

I looked at her with glitter in my eyes. "Oh you will definitely see a repeat. Not _once_ not _twice_ but many _times_."

MOPL-MOPL-MOPL

After the Russian Inquisition I went back to work. I was swamped with new proposals from clients. All of which is deadlined on Friday. I may be a junkie but still I need to work to support my refills.

When I started working for my dad we had an agreement that I will be treated just like an ordinary employee. I didn't want to use the fact that he is my father so he better put me in a nice good position. I wanted to earn things by my own. No matter what it takes or how hard it gets I will only be responsible for all the things that will happen to me.

"Bella, Mr. Swan needs you in his office." I hear Mrs. Cope my fathers assistant say as she saunters her way to me.

I looked at her confused at the moment. "Sure. I'll be in there in a sec."

Oh boy can my day get any worse? First, Maggie and now Charlie. Way to go, Bella! I have never been called into his office before. Or when I do he calls me himself. I could feel a dread coming. I'll be needing my special friend if I'm going in there. Taking a pill in my purse I quickly made my way to the bathroom. Looking at myself at the mirror I can't help but be disgusted with myself. I've become someone I never wanted to be. I'm not a drug addict. It feels that way but I really am not. I just do this because its the only way I can keep the pain from resurfacing in me. Sometimes it's not really effective because I crack.

My once flushed cheeks was now cold pale white. My once luscious mahogany brown hair looks like dirt now. And my once big happy brown doe eyes is nothing but pain and sorrow now. So whatever that I'm about to do now is nothing.

I carefully chewed the pill of ecstasy. Making sure I only use my front teeth as I do. The last thing I needed is for it to get stuck on my molars. I'm not into wasting pills. The taste of ecstasy is terrible but the effect it gives me when I chewed it is amazing. Five minutes later the effect finally kicked in. I feel so fucking happy my little ecstasy bubble is now present. The feeling is hard to describe. I just know that my whole body is experiencing a very pleasant vibrations.

Fixing myself up I knocked on Charlie's door and let myself in. I can see he is seated at the couch of his office. He looks fucking silly with a mustache. I giggled at that thought. He would make a great porn star out of himself. Chicks dig that thing. But not me, cause that would be gross. He is my father for gods sake. When he finally noticed me he gestured for me to sit in the chair in front of him so I did.

"Bella, we need to talk about what happened last weekend." Charlie started, looking at me seriously.

I laughed at him running my hands over my hair. Is it just me or his mustache moved along with his mouth as he talked? Maybe it has a life on its own. Hmmm... I tried to calmed myself but I just can't stop laughing. Damn him and his stupid mustache!

"What the? Are.. Are you high, Bells?" I hear him ask me but I can't stop laughing. I was now also full force gripping my hair that I think it's about to come off my head but I can't stop. I love the feeling it gives me.

It was then that Charlie is now in front of me kneeling, my face is in his hands looking at me with worry in his eyes. Again, in my state of mind I just laughed. God it feels so good.

"Motherfucker! You are!" He says as he sat back looking defeated.

I tried to talk but nothing comes out of my lips. Laughing was all I did till I had the urge in me to scream as I pull out a chunk of hair from my head with my bare hands. Charlie looked alarmed and was by my side again. He took my chunk of hair from me tossing it somewhere I don't know. He was now gripping my arms tightly that I liked the way it felt. Instead of pain I felt warmth and vibrations shooting from my arms.

"God that feels so fucking good." I hear myself say.

"Jesus, Bella! When did do you start doing drugs?" Charlie asked still gripping my arms.

I don't know what came into me but I just had the feeling to talk to him about how Im feeling, so I do.

"Remember the day that I lost everything? That's when it started." I looked seriously at him in the eye. His face changed from worry to regret. Damn straight!

Charlie shooked his head. "No. That can't be true. I would have known." He muttered to himself. I just stared at him. "We can fix this, Bells. I'll get you a therapist, you'll go to rehab. You'll be good in no time."

Anger filled my whole body from what he said. How dare he! "Aaaaaaaahhh! No!" I pushed off of me making him stumble back the floor. I rose from my sit and started pacing. "You can't fix me! I'm not a fucking toy that you can just take to the repair shop so I could be good as new! I'm a fucking person who has feelings!"

Charlie flinched at what I said. "Bells, I didn't mean it like that. I just know that we can get pass this. I know a great doctor and support group you can go to. I'll arrange it as soon as possible. Trust me, Kiddo."

"Trust? You bring that bitch into my life like nothing happened! You betrayed me! I can't trust you! And no amount of therapist and rehab can fix me! But you know what will? If I get to kill Renee just like what she did to me." I seethed at him.

"Enough!" He shouted. "I love your mother, she loves me and she loves you too..."

I cut him off. "She doesn't fucking love me nor you! She's only using you and me! That's how its always been! Renee only loves herself! If she did she wouldn't have murdered me! She wouldn't have taken it away! She would have let me be. Made me handle things the way I wanted it. But no! She just had to take it all away! Everything I loved she took it and left me for dead! And you know it! She killed me, Charlie. She fucking did!"

With that I fucking broke down and sobbed. I haven't cried for years but seeing her last weekend, knowing that she would be once again be a part of my life made me crack. I feel all the pain that I hid. It was very present now even though I just took a pill. Fucking bitch is bursting my bubble. Fuck her!

Charlie took a step towards me but I stopped him.

"Don't just don't." I cried hugging myself. "I can't. I really can't. But if you really want to be with her then fine. Enjoy a life full of hell and misery with her. I won't be a part of a scheme. Love is overrated, DAD!"

I turned around from him and walked to the door. But before I open the door I gave him one last look. "And just so you know Charlie, everyone _lies_."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight. But I do however own the plot. I just got a little too enthusiastic on writing a story that I borrowed Stephenie Meyers character names to create mine.

**Authors Note**: Just a heads up I am posting new Chapters every Friday. And sorry for the errors, unfortunately I do not have a Beta that could polish my writing. I'm trying to rely on myself to fix it so I could learn from my mistakes. Enjoy!

**_Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. _**

**_Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy._**

**_- Sai Baba_**

I don't know how long I sat inside my car. Maybe three or five hours. I don't know. My mind is in a haze. All the hard work I did to bury my horrible past is slowly unraveling before me. It's what been keeping me from fully functioning. If it wasn't for the tap on my window I would have stayed here in my car in the parking lot for the night. I turned my head to the side to see who it was. Tanya. She tapped again gesturing for me to open my door. I turned the lock open and she opened the door.

"Move." Tanya says. I was too tired to argue with her so I did. I clamber to the passenger side tucking my feet under me sitting Indian style. Once she was settled in she closed the door and put her palm out to me.

"Keys?" I leaned sideward getting the keys from my skirt pocket and handed it to her. We both remained silent as she reverses the car and headed out to the city streets. Tanya drove not giving me a second glance or any ideas as to where we are going. So after a minutes of silence I spoke up.

"Where are we going?" I asked breaking the silence between us.

"Some place where you will get cleaned." She says dryly.

"What?" I tell her trying to put on a facade.

We were now nearing Kerry Park. The view of the Seattle Skyline is breathtaking from this place. Tanya and I used to go here everyday before we got busy with work and life. I took a glimpse at her fully knowing she was reminiscing the times we used to have here. Her smile falter as she parked the car.

"Don't what me! I know your a drug addict, Bella. Did you forget that I've been your friend for four years now?" Tanya says turning to glare at me.

I huffed at her. "Really how would you know? And if you were truly are my friend how come you didn't do this whole confrontation thing before if you really know that I am what you say." I taunted at her. How dare she say things like that to me. If she were my friend she wouldn't accuse me of such thing even though technically its true.

"You were discreet but not discreet enough for me. Before, you used it with control and mainly to handle the pain you're going through and I get that. But now I knew you were just abusing it because of the little scenario that happened in your father's office. I didn't hear everything just enough to know that I need to step in." My eyes widened at her. How would she know? Was she eavesdropping? Tanya saw the look on my face and smirked. Since I can't utter any words she continued. "Plus, Isabella, I have spent almost every waking day and night with you that I know what your daily routines are and what is under your bathroom sink. The sink, Bella? Very original."

Fucking hell! How the fuck does she knows it? She was going through my stuff? Motherfucker! Then it suddenly hit me. Tanya was blackmailing me. She's not really my friend. She just says that so I will do something that would benefit her. Just like fucking Renee. It's always about them and what makes them happy. I should have known.

"What do you want, Tanya? A promotion? Pay increase? Just fucking tell me and cut all these blackmailing bullshit!" I growled at her.

She gasped looking at me with disbelief. "Oh my god! She got to you so bad? Fuck! I want to help you, Bella! I'm your friend! Fuck that! Your best friend! I don't want anything from you and I am certainly not blackmailing you! I want to help you so bad because if you won't stop over using drugs you might end up dead!"

_Dead. Dead. Dead_.

The word dead kept ringing into my head. Replaying it over and over again. My heart started pounding fast in my chest. My head hurts that I started to grip it hard to stop the impending memory creep in my head. But I wasn't strong enough as the memory slips in.

_**Flashback**_

_**I was in my room packing up the last stuff that I will be needing to bring with me as I was moving to his place today to make everything official. We have been dating for a year now, it was just the right time to step up our relationship up a notch with all the blessing that just came in our way. I can't believe I am finally going to be with the man of my dreams. Who would have thought that plain old, Bella can snatch the most eligible bachelor in the whole Portland? No one! How Perfect my life can be.**_

_**I smiled to myself. Looking around my room one last time I made sure my dirty clothes had been laundered up and tucked away in my closet. I wouldn't be needing this in the mean time. In the next few months I won't be petite any longer. And Alice will surely have new clothes ready for me.**_

_**"Bella?" I hear my mothers voice call for me.**_

_**"In my room, mom!" I yelled.**_

_**Opening the closet I tucked the last batch of clothes in. There that should do it.**_

_**"Oh, sweetie. Everything's going to be okay. I am going to fix this." Renee says from behind me.**_

_**For the past week my mother kept saying weird things to me. But I just tolerated it. Maybe the thought of your child moving is a sensitive matter. I would if my own child would go up and leave me. Still we had this conversation before and I was just going to be moving at Gresham. I remember the countless times Charlie and I told her that it was a necessary step. And that it was what I wanted. It is what will make me happy. But she just turned her head on us and kept mumbling jumbled words. **_

_**Slowly I turned around so I could hug her but instead of feeling her warmth embrace I felt a cold sharp pain seethe through my stomach. I quickly shot my eyes at her. She was smiling widely at me. "Wha..at?" I screamed in agony, clutching my stomach where Renee stabbed me with a knife. I could see and feel my own blood seeping through my shirt.**_

_**I thought about opening my mouth to scream for Charlie but nothing came out of my lips. I felt so dizzy, scared and worried. What will happen to me? To us? Oh no! God please. **_

_**"Shhh. Everything will be fine. I got you my sweet Bella." She cooed as she stabbed me again for the second time.**_

_**I could feel the blood rush out of my body and mouth. What in the world is happening? This can't be true. But the pain were all too real. I tried to fight her off. I placed my other hand to her shoulder pushing her away from me as I try to make a beeline for the door but she wouldn't budge. I was too weak from the stabs she'd given me. And to make the pain I am feeling more worse she stabbed me again.**_

_**This time I screamed for help.**_

_**End of Flashback**_

"Bella! Bella! Hey bestie, wake up! It's just a dream. Shhh. I'm here I won't let anyone hurt you."

I snapped open my eyes. My heart was pounding fast and I could feel the sweat caused by the nightmare dribble down my face to my neck. I sloppily tried to wipe it away with my hands. Oh my god! This seriously not happened. Looking to my side I saw Tanya hovering over me looking pained and worried.

Trying to sit up I look away from her. "How did we get here?" I asked seeing that we are now in my bedroom apartment. I tried to control my heavy breathing.

"You passed out in the car while we were having our talk." Tanya says.

I nodded still not looking at her. I was scared to face her I knew very much that I talk in my sleep. Charlie was a witness to that. The early year that we tried to move on he would wake me up in the middle of the night because I was screaming on the top of my lungs about how I want her to stop stabbing me.

"I know you don't want to talk about it." Tanya said softly.

"How much did you hear?" I asked clasping my hands together. I was still breathing heavy from my nightmare. I'm scared shit that this happened and she has witnessed it. After everything I told her.

Tanya moved sitting beside me clasping her hand together with mine. I looked at her. Her eyes were red, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I heard enough. But for you I can Un hear it. We can talk when you are ready. Bella, I will always be here for you. I love you. "

I didn't know how to react to that. It wasn't what I was expecting from someone. So I hugged the hell out of her, tears spilling in my eyes. The pain, love and care that I am feeling are all to overwhelming. But there is still doubt in me that it was too good to be true for someone to believe me and love me. The persons I expect that kind of feeling abandoned me and was behind my fucked up life so how could I trust her wholly? I don't know.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." I sobbed to her. Tanya didn't deserved the insult I had thrown in her face earlier.

"Shh.. Don't be you didn't do anything wrong, bestie." Tanya croaked out as she hugs me tight.

"I.. I'm not yet ready." I confessed. I knew she was waiting for an explanation about everything but I just can't.

Tanya pulled away from our hug and look straight in my eye. "I will wait, Bella. I'm not going to let her hurt you. I love you, bestire. I fucking love you that I will do anything I can for you. Do you hear me?"

"Thank you." I told her.

"You don't have to thank me. We will get through this I _promise_."

And just like that the doubt I had is slowly fading. One simple word that could make me give in.

_**Promise**_

I just wish that I wouldn't regret all of it


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight. But I do however own the plot. I just got a little too enthusiastic on writing a story that I borrowed Stephenie Meyers character names to create mine.

**Authors Note**: I am so scared in posting this Chapter. Mainly because this has a little lemon in it. And I am so scared you guys are not going to like it. It's actually my first time writing a lemon so please be nice. Gah! I hope someone can help me write some good lemony stuff. And oh to all those who reviewed, you guys are awesome :)

**_Everybody's got a dark side  
Do you love me?  
Can you love mine?  
Nobody's a picture perfect  
But we're worth it  
You know that we're worth it  
Will you love me?  
Even with my dark side?_**

**_- Kelly Clarkson_**

_**Flashback**_

_**"Mom? I'm home." I announced, taking off my coat and putting my bags down the couch. I walked my way to the kitchen where Renee is cooking dinner. Dad still wasn't home. He must still be in the office designing and stuff.**_

_**"What are you cooking?" I asked taking a bottle of water from the refrigerator. I took a small sip then leaned my back on the fridge.**_

_**"Mushroom ravioli your favourite." She replied glancing a smile at me. Then continued. "So, sweetie how was first day of school? Did you make any friends like I told you to?"**_

_**Friends? I don't know what to tell her. Mom suggested I should be friends with someone who has the same life as me. I didn't know what she exactly meant.**_

_**"I did. Her name is Angela Weber. She's really nice..." I babbled but she cut me off.**_

_**Renee was now **_**_looking at me her whole body tensed. "What did I tell you, Isabella? You should be friends with someone like us not the Pastor's daughter for pete's sake! I told you to be friends with Amanda Smith! Was that so hard?" She chastised me._**

**_I suddenly feel uncomfortable. She looks mad, so mad. I don't want it when she's mad. Stupid, Bella! Look what have I done now. _**

**_"Mom she doesn't even want to talk to me. I tried..."_**

**_She raised her hand at me to stop. "I'm disappointed in you. Making friends you can't even do it? You are hopeless. Get out of my kitchen now! I'll call you when dinners ready."_**

**_My heart broke at what she said. I can't believe I've put my mom down. Tears were already falling from my eyes as I got out of the kitchen up to my room. I won't let down my mother. No! Tomorrow I will make sure that Amanda Smith will be my new best friend no matter what it takes._**

**_End of Flashback_**

I woke up sweaty and breathing heavy from another nightmare yet again for the umpteenth time in a span of three days. My mind was like making a trip down memory lane. And boy do I hate it. The nightmares were progressing every time I had them. It was like letting me know that something bad is about to come. Well consider me warned.

For the past three days I had been stucked in my apartment for "cleansing" as Tanya said. The girl was crazy because she made it her life mission to get me unhooked with drugs. She was being a supportive friend after my meltdown and I love her dearly for that. But with all honesty right now I know and she knows that the way she wants me to rid drugs forever is an unconventional way. Tanya might have raided my bathroom sink stash, my drawers and shoe boxes but I know she will never get to my main source.

She also made it clear to me that I was under house arrest. I was not to step outside my apartment no matter what. If I wanted food Tanya will be get it for me. If I wanted to rent out a movie she'll go get it for me. Or if I want to shop in the mall she will make sure I have accounts on all the online shopping sites there is known to mankind just so I wouldn't leave. It was utterly ridiculous of her but I didn't try to argue. The look on her face was priceless when I said I will follow her orders.

Tanya was happy as a clam when I told her that. I couldn't take it away from her. I wanted her to be happy. Maybe I'm really messed up in my head by my own fault. I mean look at my decisions. Even though I'm not really happy how Tanya is treating me right I will suck it up as long as I know that it would make her happy. Is it a crime to put other people first before me? But I should have known the answer to that. Based from my fucked up experience I should know better.

I glanced at the digital clock beside my bed. It says 6am. Tanya would be here soon to fix me some breakfast before she heads out to the office. It was a ritual she had followed ever since I told her about me following orders. She took the time to talk to Charlie and inform him that I would be taking the whole week off for a R and R. Thankfully, Charlie didn't complain. He clearly knows the state I am in and just hopes for the best.

Walking hurriedly to the closet, I pick out a decent ripped shorts and a pullover. I cannot stay here for another day pretending that I don't miss the taste of cocaine and ecstasy. It was all I could think off every time. Tanya didn't notice it because I was that good of an actor. Hell! I had years of training thanks to the queen bitch. But all of my acting skills will soon crumble if I don't get my fix. Let me say this "Withdrawal is a bitch."

Stalking out of my apartment I got in my car and drove to the one place I know would satisfy my cravings. I drove for a good thirty minutes before I parked my car at the all too familiar place. I've been here countless of times. Mainly to buy drugs.

Knocking on the door I waited for Tyler to open up his door but was greeted by icy blue eyes that belongs to his friend. Riley smiled at me knowingly. He didn't have to say come in when I just decided to barge in and take a seat at the couch.

"Well, glad to see you too." He said, closing the door and sitting beside me draping his arms on the back of the couch.

I turned my body to him so I was facing him. "Where is. Ty?" I asked.

"Tyler's off doing errands. He won't be back until next week."

"Shit!" I cursed running my hands through my hair desperately. What the fuck! How can I make it through till next week? My body is reacting so differently now and I needed to remedy it. Tyler is my only connection on getting drugs. How the hell am I supposed to get one now. Riley might have noticed my uneasiness because he started to stand up and walked towards the kitchen.

I looked at him curiously as to what he was doing. When he came back he was holding a plastic of what seems to be full of pills, lots and lots of it. My eyes perked up like I had just seen santa fucking claus.

Riley smiled at me mischievously. "I reckon you looking for this?" He says jiggling the pills. The rattling sound of it made my body tingle with pleasure.

"Yes! Oh thank god you have them." I replied.

He chuckled. "What are you waiting for, Bella? You know the drill."

Riley didn't have to tell me twice. I stood up ready to take out my wallet from my short when I noticed I didn't have it with me. I told him I'll just get it in my car. I might have left it their due to moving so quickly. But when I got in my car I see no sign of my wallet anywhere. Holy shit! Can my day get any worse? I went back inside seeing Riley all set up.

"I.. uhm I don't have my wallet with me but I swear I would pay you back when I get it from my apartment." I told him. I was suddenly shy. Not because I left my wallet but the fact that I know where this is going to end.

Riley looked at me thoughtfully. "Sweetheart, I like you but you know that's not how this works. You pay. I give you the pills."

"Look. I know that but you can trust me, Ri. We've known each other for years now. I would never stood you up. I promise to pay you back I just can't leave empty handed. I'll do anything." The desperation in my voice was clear as I spoke those words.

Pleading wasn't my style but it left me no choice. It was that or I will be fucking screwed. Spending another sober day with Tanya is going to make me want to check in to a mental facility. Riley didn't speak for a minute he was looking at me kind of like considering something. The suspense was killing me.

"Ok." He says standing up so he was towering me. "Do you really want it?" He asks, I nodded. "Well there is one thing you can do."

"Anything! I will fucking do it. Double the price just give me something."

"Oh sweetheart I don't need money. What I need is for you to fucking suck my cock and I will give you all the pills you want."

I wasn't stunned by his comment. It was what I am expecting from him. Whenever I come by here to buy from Tyler, Riley was always sweet. But right now he is nowhere near the sweet Riley I have met. I contemplated first if I should give in or not. This is a low blow for me. Not that I don't have sex with anyone when I'm high, I do actually and I'm not proud of it but that's just how it is. I've had sex with countless of guys so giving Riley head wouldn't make any difference.

"Fine. Give me the pills."

"Suck before Pills." He says grinning.

Without saying another word, I sunk down to my knees and yanked opened his zipper pants tugging it down his feet, his cock sprung into the air. I licked his shaft with the tip of my tongue making him groan. As much as I hated doing this I needed to, it was the only way to get those damned pills. I slowly bobbed my head up and down his cock while getting my left hand around him to squeeze his butt while my right hand fondles his balls. I could hear his breathing getting heavier. That was a good sign, the sooner he comes the sooner I get my pills and get this over with. After a few more licking and sucking, Riley suddenly tenses and spurted out long hot cum on my throat.

"Wow! That was amazing. Damn! Why did we just do this now?" He asks dazed by my performance.

I simply shrug helping him get his pants on. When I was done zipping him up, Riley tilted my head upward.

"Open." He commanded.

I complied, opening my mouth enough for him to throw two pills. Fuck! I felt so relieved when he did that. The hard work of sucking him dry and possible carpet burns I will get were all worth it. Closing my eyes I tried to concentrate on the feeling of the ecstasy. I can feel it. I could feel that this would make me experience an extreme euphoria.

Minutes later I heard Riley mutter something. My eyes were still closed. I didn't want to break the spell I am in, so I ignored him until I felt him tugged me towards a room, his bedroom I think. When I opened my eyes he was standing so close to me. He backed me up the wall, Riley's lips where suddenly on mine kissing me feverishly. In my drug state of mind there is only one thing to react to this. And that is to kiss him back, so I did.

One thing lead to another. And before I knew it I was lying naked beneath Riley on his bed, moaning and squirming as he thrusts in and out of me until I passed out.


End file.
